


Choices

by TetrodotoxinB



Series: Whumptober 2020 [2]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Attempted Suicide, Canon Typical Violence, Day 2, Grief, Gun Violence, Kidnapped, Pick who dies, Whumptober 2020, concussion, loss of consciousness, suicide is not actualized
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:40:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26772322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TetrodotoxinB/pseuds/TetrodotoxinB
Summary: Steve is forced to choose between killing Danny or a hostage. He makes the most Steve choice possible.
Series: Whumptober 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947493
Comments: 18
Kudos: 82
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	Choices

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to [aravenwood](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aravenwood/pseuds/aravenwood) for her extreme kindness in being willing to beta all of these whumptober fills! Especially so since she's also writing her own (amazing!) fics too! Please go check her out and give her some love <3
> 
> And thanks to kim for listening to me whinge about this.

The weight of the pistol in his hand feels like lead. It’s just a Glock 19. Mass produced, easy to buy on or off the books. They’ve probably got fifty of them in evidence right now. But that doesn’t matter because none of those guns are in Steve’s hand right now — this one is.

He checks the chamber. One bullet as promised. Too little to save them, not against six armed men. He swallows and his eyes prick. Steve knows the play, even if none of them see it yet. 

Danny looks at Steve pleadingly from his place kneeling on the floor, and it’s clear as day to Steve what he’s going to say. If their roles were reversed he’d say the same damn thing, but it doesn’t stop the words coming out of Danny’s mouth.

“Steve, look I know this sucks, but I’m the clear choice here. She’s got kids to go home to and one on the way. I know Grace and Charlie will miss me but they have Rachel and they’ll have their uncle Steve. Just, you know, tell them I love them, okay? Make sure they understand. It’s not your fault, Steve. Please.”

“Shut up, Danny. Just shut up,” Steve says, barely above a whisper. He closes his eyes and his hands shake. His hands didn’t shake like this the first time he stepped out of a transport into the middle of active combat. But he wasn’t supposed to choose between shooting his best friend and a random pregnant lady then either.

“What’s the problem, Commander? Having trouble choosing whose life to take? You didn’t have that problem when it came to my brother, when it came to his wife going without her husband, and his kids going without their father. You didn’t hesitate killing him, and you didn’t have to watch our mother die from grief!! So what’s the problem now? _What’s the problem????”_

The woman, Mackenzie, sniffles and shudders. Steve hasn’t once caught her eye, and he supposes that’s fair. She expects that even if Steve doesn’t shoot her the others will. It’s probably true, after all. They’ve all seen their captors’ faces. She doesn’t deserve it, but Steve knows that people rarely get what they deserve, good people least of all.

It’s tempting to argue with this guy, whose brother’s name Steve has long since forgotten. There are so many idiots that shoot at him, Steve’s not sure he’d remember the name even if he heard it. But Steve knows that either way, there’s no arguing with grief, anger, or vengeance. 

Guilt slithers into Steve’s mind. He should at least know the man’s face, his name. Something. Maybe if things were different… maybe if he’d found a way to stop everything from escalating… It doesn’t matter. There won’t be a chance to be better or different. It ends here.

“I’ve made my choice,” Steve says, stuffing down his hesitations. 

The man smiles, wicked and vicious. “For a moment there I didn’t think you had it in you, but then killing innocents hasn’t ever troubled you before. Now get on with it, before I kill them both.”

Steve checks the chamber one more time. His eyes prick with tears, but no matter the pain there’s no other option here, not when it comes down to it. Kids deserve their parents, kids _need_ them. Steve knows that too well.

“Tell everyone I love them,” Steve says. Grace, Charlie, Mary, Joannie… everyone.

And before the words register for anyone in the room, Steve puts the gun under his chin and breathes.

*****

Everything happens in slow motion, like watching an incoming tidal wave that there’s no way to outrun. Danny can’t look away from it. Steve, the big stupid idiot, of course he’d do this and Danny’s stupid stupid _stupid_ for not seeing this sooner. But it’s too late and Steve’s raising the gun and all Danny can do is scream.

A shot rings out in chorus with dozens more from several other directions, and Danny does the only thing he can — he dives on Mackenzie to get her out of the line of fire. The firefight feels like a lifetime and no time at all. All he knows is that he has to get to Steve. Steve the big oaf that just shot himself for Danny and this woman they don’t know. 

Danny can barely hear his own voice calling out for Steve above the din, but his throat is already raw from screaming. He crawls towards the outline of Steve on the floor amidst the falling drywall dust and fiberglass insulation. 

It’s a slow crawl with his hands ziptied behind his back but halfway there someone, whose face Danny can’t see and doesn’t care about, cuts his bonds. He scrambles towards Steve, tears already dripping off his face because Steve isn’t moving and now that Danny is able to sit up better he can see the blood on Steve’s face. 

“Fuck, fuck, no, Steve. Come on, you great big mook,” Danny sobs, gently cradling Steve’s head in his hands, well clear of where the exit wound should be. “Why’d you go and do this? Huh, Steve?”

Even when his partner, Grace, died back in Newark, Danny hadn’t felt grief this acute. But now his entire being hurts, his chest aches so much Danny gags and he thinks he might suffocate from it. He screams, holding Steve close to his chest, and ignores the SWAT medic kneeling beside him because honestly, Steve put a 9mm to his chin and pulled the trigger. All that’s left to do is call it.

But while Danny cries, the medic keeps checking Steve over. Danny can’t even get it together to tell him to fuck off. 

“Danny, Danny!”

Danny gasps and looks up to see Chin kneeling in front of him, his own eyes red-rimmed. “He’s alive. We need to get him to the hospital.”

Danny shakes his head instinctively. He saw it, he saw Steve put the gun to his head and he heard the shot. He shakes his head but can hardly see Steve for the tears. 

“No, he- he-” Danny can’t even get the words out before he breaks down again. 

Chin puts his hands on Danny's shoulders. “Danny, he’s alive. He’s not shot. It looks like he caught some debris when we breached. He probably just has a concussion. Look,” Chin motions at a stretcher that is suddenly beside them. Danny has no idea when that happened. “they’re here to take him to the hospital. Can you let him go? They’ll take care of him, Danny. I promise.”

Danny’s numb. He can’t process. First, Steve killed himself, and now he didn’t? He can’t fight while Chin helps pry his hands from Steve. He just sits dumbly, tears still dripping off his chin, as they snap a cervical collar on Steve, strap him to a spine board, and lift him onto the stretcher. 

They roll Steve away, still silent, and Danny is left with Chin. He looks down at his hands and they’re slick with Steve’s blood, glistening in the light that filters in from broken windows. 

“I’ve got you, Danny. I got you.”

Danny goes where he’s pulled, ending up wrapped in Chin’s arms while they sit on the floor surrounded by dust, bullets, blood, and the bodies of the men who tried to kill them all. Danny manages a deep breath and breaks down all over again, clinging to Chin this time instead of Steve.

“He’s alive,” Danny gasps. “He’s alive.”

Chin nods against Danny’s shoulder. “He is. And he’s tough. He’ll be back to work long before we want him there. He’s gonna be fine.”

Danny nods his agreement. That sounds good and Chin doesn’t lie so Danny believes him. It’s the most he can manage.

*****

“Hey, you great big moron,” Danny says quietly.

Even in the dim light of Steve’s room, courtesy of a concussion, Danny can see Steve smile. “Hey, Danny.”

Danny feels his eyes prick all over again. “You’re stupid and I hate you. I thought you were dead! You made me watch you kill yourself! You could have died you idiot!!”

Steve scrunches his face up in pain, and Danny feels a tad bit awful for nearly shouting at the guy with the concussion. “I’m sorry, Danny. I didn’t want to do it, but it was that or you or Mackenzie. I know what it’s like to lose a parent, Danny. I couldn’t be the reason some kid lost their mom or dad. No one is waiting for me at home. It was the solution with least lives ruined.”

“Would have ruined mine,” Danny mumbles, collapsing into a chair beside the bed.

Steve reaches out and takes Danny’s hand in his. It’s like a balm to his soul, just to touch Steve, just to see him alive. The last time Danny touched Steve, it was holding a corpse. Now… Danny looks down at Steve’s hand and is careful not to squeeze too tight. Squished IVs aren’t terribly comfortable. 

“Would have ruined mine, too,” Steve says with a wet chuckle. He’s silent for a moment before going on, “I’m sorry, Danny. I wasn’t trying to take the cheap way out. I just wanted the best for Grace and Charlie, and the best is you.”

Danny nods and wipes his eyes with his free hand. “Thank you. Thank you.”

“Stay?” Steve asks, and Danny won’t mention the plaintive note in Steve’s voice but it’s there. Today was close for him too and Danny knows he wouldn’t want to be left alone in a dark room either. 

“What? You thought I would leave and give up the free hospital coffee? Never. You couldn’t kick me out if you wanted,” Danny says. And his voice almost doesn’t break when he says it.

Steve chuckles but Danny can still hear the uncertainty. “Thanks, Danny.”

“For you? Anything, pal.”


End file.
